I Need a Job, Badly :C

The title explains it perfectly well, already.

Yes i'm in a desperation on needing a job, very much.

Why? The main reason out of the sub-reasons i'm gonna 

list out later is *drum rolls*  MONEY!

"How i wish one random good-looking, God fearing and RICH

bachelor come and ask me for a propose, that would be a heaven 

on earth for me". Sighs :C

"Or or maybe, a random rich couple who cannot

conceive, come to me and ask me to be theirs." Rawwrrr!!! 

See, i sounded hell like a real desperado, right? That's how desperate

i'm in need of money. Job job, please come to me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, i'm gonna list out the reasons of all this desperation in me:

:: Money

:: To kill the boredom out of me (Holiday sucks a lot)

:: To occupy my dozens of free time

:: Clothes

:: A Tote Bag

:: A Flat Beaded Sandal (Nose)

:: To pay dad for the penalty

:: My own saving ( I really have to)

:: Treat Babai@Grandpa C:

:: Treat my family ^^

:: Vacations

See that semi-long list :C
Listing everything out will only make me even more devastated.

I gotta gotta make sure i'll have one beginning of January 2011. 

Amen.

Maybe i should walk around town 

with a cardboard hanging 

on my neck that says:

"In Need of a Job"

You're A Dog

Do you've any freaking idea 

how pathetic and a sad sad dog

YOU'RE?

I guess you don't!

You're getting into my nerves.

You used to be my crave 

and now

you're just like this tiny

bugging insects

that keep on buzzing and hell,

you never know how much i wanna

whip your ass with that

electric racket!

WHY?

WHY?

Can't you be a 21 years old

mentally grown up?

What benefits you got

by tarnishing me and called bitch

stuffs like that in FB?

Don't you realised you're

making a FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF?!

You've always been this way

and i guess forever you'll be this way.

And forever too, you'll just aim high 

and talk shits bout it

but never actually do something 

to make it happen.

Forever you'll be this way.

But, i hope you'll change

or God knows what you gonna

do to your wife if she's ever gonna

divorce you.

shut your horse mouth up, will you?   

Dear my closest friend C:

Don Don C:

dear my closest friend 

i'm writing because 

i miss you so much 

at night i always cry 

the stillness still reminds me 

of when we first fell in love 

and i miss that so much 

dear my closest friend 

dear my closest friend 

i remember when you asked me to stay 

and i just walked away i apologize

and then my letter sent

i lost that moment

i lost that moment

seconds at a time

seconds at a time

i wait for your answer

but i already know

your hand was always mine

your hand was always mine

your hand was always mine

dear my closest friend

im writing because

i miss you....

:: You

I miss you.

 Tried moving on, yes i'm. 

I accepted the fact that
we're not meant to be a lover 

but i cannot accept the fact
that we're no longer friends. 

Where is your promise on 

not gonna jeopardise our friendship?

You know i'm a sucker on promises.

Yes i admit that i said i won't want

my life got anything to do with you.

But im a real sucker,in PROMISES
i broke it and

i want our friendship back.

I want you to be part of my life.

I want you to be the one who

listens to everything and anything.

I want you to be the first person

to know my ups and downs.

But you;re fucking hard.

Emotionally hard.

You never failed to cross my mind.

none of the things i see daily that

is unrelated to you.

Everything i do, everywhere i go,

there will always a picture

of you and me in it.

Name it as a friend or as a lover.

You're awesome.

Though you've that storm in you,

i believe you'll be healed soon.

I believe you will be a better person.

And i want you to give me the chance

to help you on that.

But you choose not to.

Remember when you asked me

whether i judged you

as "dirty"?

I said "No" and i meant it.

I care for you so much

that nothing in your past matters

cause i believe you'll change.

Why can't you give me the time

to change Gordon?

Why?

Ok, skip the bg-gf part.

Why, you choose to throw our

friendship away?

Why?
I miss you badly.
Very, badly :C

:: Second Entry

DECEMBER

What would be the things that crosses your mind when DECEMBER is uttered out?

For me, it meant:

: CHRISTMAS!!

: Holiday

: Greeennnn

: Kampung

: GRANDPA :D

: Mejeng

: Drinks and cookies

But now, it only means:

: Holiday

: Holiday

: Holiday

: Christmas

Yeah, see the differences there, there?

My feelings and my passion on December changed wasn't because

of me getting older. Wasn't because i had more fun in any other months

compared to December. No. It changed because of the people around me.

Specifically people that are very close to me and used to be close to me.

Over the past 3 years, December which always relate to Christmas, changed a lot

in me. Not only in me, but my family. Not only just my family. But the Baha's. Yup, that's

my grandpa's name. 

It all started and it wasn't started 3 years back but actually has been 

longer than that, by my aunt called Katherine (troublemaker). And nope, i don't feel regret on putting this up.

This is my entry for rumbles and grumbles, remember? 

So, listen and not be afraid. Back to

topic, see, how much a TINY SHORT PETITE female can destroy a family tree. She destroyed 

way than anyone could imagine. 

(Yes, i indeed have that tiny short petite. But i'm a sane one not insane like her. Just that, shorties are actually poisonous than tallies. Lol!)

Back then, my Mom and grandpa used to be very close. And yup, she used to be my grandpa's

favorite in law. If you ask me now, i don't think grandpa feels the same anymore, as he is hurt. Mom was always the one who goes back to kampung to accompany my grandpa, not only during Gawai and Christmas but any days when she feels like to. Especially when i haven't started my kindy, it was a common thing for us to stay in kampung for almost a month or more. Mom never complaint or whatsoever as she herself willingly and love doing so. Bribing is totally out of my mom's dictionary, everything was purely SINCERE.  Life was pretty much fun and peaceful in the Baha's.

But, things get worse when troublemaker got transfered from Limbang to Kuching. Before, she used to visited and stayed in our house for a month or more. 

Or when she was having her training and courses in Kuching.

My mom may not gave her a 5 stars hospitality but, she did and gave her best to ensure that troublemaker felt comfortable and all. Do you've any freaking idea what my mom got in return? Troublemaker made untrue comments and stories bout how lousy my mom is to her friends and my other aunt. Can you imagine that??!!

She complaint bout little little things. Eg, my mom never actually make milo or coffee in the morning cause she thinks it's a waste if she made it to feed everyone but towards the end of the day, there're still some leftovers. So, yup! Troublemaker making a fuss out of it and pester around that my mom is a lazy housewife. Fuck her!

As i used to go back kampung visiting grandpa, im pretty much his favorite grand-daughter. And this actually cause an issue to that bitch as well. She, again, brought her filthy mouth telling people how much she dislike the fact grandpa loves me. And how "ngegeh" i'm when im with grandpa. Like wtf! Go get a life bitch, he's my grandpa, and i sincerely love him. Unlike you! Basically all of my siblings are grandpa's favorite cause we're just pretty damn close to him compare to my other cousins. 

Oh my, i always have tons to rumbles when comes to her. But to make story lil bit shorter, i'll start with the last 3 years incident. Back when i was Form 5, somewhere near SPM, i guess, mom and dad had the biggest and scariest fight. Came to the extend that mom wanted a divorce from dad. It was because dad helped Troublemaker with her thesis. Mom wasn't happy cause no matter how much afford my dad helped her, appreciation is out of her dictionary and she will always pestering our family with her rubbish untrue stories and jealousy towards our family. When dad got back home (he spent hours at her house), mom started bombarding him and things got rough. Dad took the broom and almost wanted to hit mom. That was the point when mom was hell mad and started saying that dad never stands out for her when that bitch passing untrue shits bout her and blah blah blah. Things was pretty much a hell to us siblings. Ever since that day, mom started treating grandpa coldly :C And her enthusiasm on going back to kampung just, disappear.... Result of it: We barely go back kampung anymore as dad also loose the enthusiasm on going back as he's not used of going back without mom around. Sighs.

Katherine. Bitch. Troublemaker. She's matter of fact very harmless. Peanuts. But i still don't get it WHY none of her siblings dare to at least advice her. Don;t tell me cause she's the youngest in the family and she's the wealthiest ooooo.....  My aunt and my uncle SHOULD be responsible on that. My mom's case can be an exception but hell, they should taunt her for making grandpa cried and treating grandpa like little kids! How can they still give her the respect when she don't respect their father, her own father, MY GRANDPA!!!??? Bunch of cowards, i guess. Geez. Guess who went screwing that bitch when she made grandpa cried? *drum rolls* ME! Yes, was me. But this bitch lives in denial and she's also having selective memories. All she did was DENYING and LISTING OUT HER GOOD POINTS. I thought she wanted to meet me up but well, she's actually a pussy too. Sighs.

Back to December. Sighs. I wish those grown ups not only physically changing but also a brain that continues developing. Maybe it's caused by the fact that they no longer drinking or never drinks brain-development-milks. No wonder the younger ones has more rationalities in them. Lol! 

Sighs. Life would be better when we all get our innocence back, don't they? Life would be better when we can erase every of our bad memories or life actually came with a delete button, so we can delete those buggers :C But, it seems like life keep on fucking us hard. No mercy or not even has the sympathy on us who are actually already a fallen man. 

I want that December-Christmas Spirit back. The enthusiasm of celebrating it. But one thing that never change, my love to grandpa and how badly i wanna see him. Not only me, but my siblings :C We all miss grandpa badly. He's our only one left. Life is short. No, im not cursing grandpa but isn't too late when he he leaves us one day? :C 

Adults. RAWWRRR!!!

Cleaning dust and mites!!

Hello there, i smell dust around *sniff sniff* 

It has been awhile i abandoned you.

Wasn't on purpose on not taking care of you.

Mama was busy for the whole month and just achieved her freedom.

Lol!

A lil bit on the reason why i left longer than what we had promised

was cause, my broadband got screwed up badly.

By who?

*drum rolls*

Lemuel and I.

Haha.

If you don't know, we always go rough when using our broadband.

It's just the adrenaline rush it gave us whenever we wanted to use it freaking badly.

Especially when we're craving for the cyber world.

Like sex, ya know. Lol!

Told dad to get streamyx instead of broadband. Geez.

But but, though Lemuel is a dumb ass most of the time,
 he used his brain yesterday.

He FIXED the broadband and tadaaa, here i'm, feeding your empty tummy C:

Well, my exam officially ended on Wednesday 15th December 2010. 

Need me be more specific: 18:15.

(But, sighs. It was also a month after we broke up.)

Exam was overall just ok.

Screwed pretty much of T7, again. 

Since you're in a total clueless with T7, i actually failed it last sem.

My second attempt of doing it last week, on Tuesday.

Was my fault actually. I tried to be a shrink myself.

I assumed and strongly believe that what came up last sem
wouldn't come out this time.

But hell, i got disappointed by my own action :C

I spent my entire day learning ABC, Marginal and Absorption Costing.

And, neglecting those that came out last sem.

As i turned the papers, here Mr Variance goes again. Sighs.

Lesson: Never be a SHRINK. Ever!

And, my another regret was, i didn't bother to try the past year papers.

RAWWWRRR!!!

Stupid stupid stupid :C 

Whereas for T9 and T10, i can confirm that i might pass those.

Especially T9 :D

*pat pat*

I was proven wrong when i first thought that those 2 would

be the killer papers. But they were a lot easier compared to

T7, especially T9. Sighs, old enemy is always stronger

than the new ones, i suppose. Lol!

One reason why i can do those two easily was i did the past year papers beforehand. 

URGGHHH. Ikr.

Silly me.

I should have done that to T7 too!

I realised that over the past 3 years, starting 2007, they recycle the same type of questions. The only

difference are they changed the names and the figures. Overall, everything are almost the same.

Minus theories. 

Brilliant!

Well, those who made the questions are also bunch of lazy ass like me. Lol!

No one wants to be work-a-holic, hell. No one! 

Haha!

Another lesson that i learnt : Past year papers work magnificently, ALL THE TIME. 

Haiyoooo...

Bygones be bygones.

All i need now is a blessing from God.

May His magnificent hand undo the errors that i accidentally did. Lol!

And not to mention, a splendid 2 months long of holiday.

And and owh, a job after Xmas!

Je'taime :)

-Last Kiss-

Votre nom restera toujours dans mon coeur.

Vous aime, mon ami et amant :)

Roaarr!!!  

Exam is like in another two weeks and God knows better
whether or not i've made my complete revision.

Practically, im suppose starting with theories. That was what i planned
on for the past 3 weeks, to COVER every theories for 3 papers.
But oh crap, procrastinate PROCRASTINATE and distraction
after distraction and ended to more DISTRACTION, i hardly
can put myself into schedule. God, please help me :(

And now im currently in my, what i used to call as BLOATED-WEEK.
Its my two weeks before my period when i've all this mood swings, laziness
to the utmost max, sleepy, tantrums and hugahuga, i feel fugly inside out.
This makes me even more depressed with pimples bulging out and im growing
side way. Bye bye bikini on Sunday. *sad sad*

and i miss Gordon, some more

with Xavier who never stops tarnishing me 

Ok, back to my exam and studies. Sighs, if im gonna fail anymore paper/papers,

i swear my dad gonna kill me. Fees are like in pounds and i paid extra 1k for those

3 papers due to our ignorance on not knowing penalty would be charged for 

late payment. Dad speaks *grumblesgrunbles*

I feel like the whole world is on my shoulder now *sobs*

I wanna break free!!!!

God, help me.

God, give me all the wisdom.

God, please take away my bad bad procrastinating habit.

God, help me focus.

God, guide me.

Amen.

YAY!! :D

Missing you, lots.

i still remember the look on your face

lit through the darkness at 1:58

the words that you whispered for just us to know

you told me you loved me

so why did you go away away

i do recall now, the smell of the rain

fresh on the pavement

i ran off the plane

that july ninth, the beat of your heart

it jumps through your shirt

i can still feel your arms

but now i'll go, sit on the floor

wearing your clothes

all that i know is i don't know

how to be something you miss

i never thought we'd have a last kiss

never imaGined we'd end like this

your name, forever the name on my lips

i do remember the swing of your step

the life of the party, you're showing off again

and i'd rOll my eyes and then you'd pull me in

i'm not much for dancing, but for you i did

because i love your handshake, meeting my father

i love how you walk with your hands in your pockets

how you'd kiss me when i was in the middle of saying something

there's not a day i don't miss those Rude interruptions

and i'll go sit on the floor

wearing your clothes

all that i know is i don't know

how to be something you miss

i never thought we'd have a last kiss

never imagineD we'd end like this

your name, forever the name on my lips

so i'll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep

and i feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe

and i'll keep up with our old friends

just to ask them how you are

hope it's nice where yOu are

and i hope the suN shines and it's a beautiful day

and something reminds you you wish you had stayed

you can plan for a change in the weather and time

but i never planned on you changing your mind

so i'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes

all that i know is i don't know how to be something you miss

i never thought we'd have a last kiss

never imagined we'd end like this

your name, forever the name on my lips

just like our last kiss

forever the name on my lips

forever the name on my lips

just like our last

*******************************************************

You :)

13.11.10, it was almost midnight, you came over though you were very tired. I put on what you always want me to wear; a pair of jeans and a white shirt; your favorite color. You look awesome as you were wearing formal. I was stunned for a minute :)

We drove around and got our normal little arguments. Haha. You insisted to get me supper as i hardly touch anything since i got myself toothache. We drove around that little town of ours, round and round. Finally, you stopped at 7E, you got me a bar of almond chocolate, instant porridge and mocha coffee. You held me by my waist while haunting for your milk drink. We were swaying in 7E, feeling so much in love. It was beautiful and i never expect that us, would end the following day.  

I remembered how you kissed me that night before i got into the house, it was differ than usual. It was long, but i cant reach it, i was hanging and i cannot stop questioning myself why was it longer. Guess it was an early sign on what would happened the following day, 14.11.10.. 

US was short. But our friendship was damn long. You were a nice friend and anawesome boyfriend though you can be such a pain in my ass at times. I'll never forget you, as a friend, brother and lover. You always are amazing :)

I doubt i can love the next one like how i used to love you. May God bless you to be the blessing to the people around you.

Missing you lots,

Little Lyn 

My not-very-first-attempt.

My title explained much. 

Testing testing. Will update whenever i'm free. 

Gonna make this one a COMMITMENT :)